Sunshinier Days

How does one move a mountain? Who does one move a mountain for?

A mother, a father, sister, brother, husband/partner, son, daughter….who? Do you move it for yourself? For the betterment of your own life? I believe that one must come to terms with the decisions or ‘non’decisions one makes and not press their personal turmoil onto others. The active non-decisiveness of others should not tear open grief and unrest in a family.

I have worked very hard to move mountains for my family. To make life easier for them. I have had to let go of so many opportunities, I no longer want to play into their games. I am finally standing up for myself, is that being selfish? They certainly are trying to portray me in a selfish light. However, I will not bow down to there whims and trantrums. It is my fault for not creating boundaries for each one of them.

I will no longer let them lead me around by the nose. I am here, if they want me in their life. I will not go out of my way to see or talk to them. I am here if they ever want to see me. I am not actively disentangling myself from them, but I’m also not actively trying to go out of my way to see them. I am tired of being the only one who puts forth effort into a relationship. It is tiresome.

I am going to start living my life for me. What is best for me? What is best for my partner and I? What is best for my son or daughter? Starting to take control of my life is what is best for me. I will no longer be bullied or manipulated into submission. I have gone down that road, it wasn’t pleasant. It took years to get to the interchange and build a new road. I’m not going to let anyone tear me down because they are too scared to live their life and make decisions to benefit themselves and others.

I’m going to move mountains. What about you?

~M.

Time certainly gets away from you, even when you are looking…

I wish I could say it’s been all candy-canes and lemon-drops here, however, that would certainly be far from the truth. Then again, nothing has changed in my life either. Truly, I do look for the good, the happiness, the silver-linings, because it is a must. However, it is beyond difficult, most of the time.

Stressors are a killer….and that is what makes up the entirety of each of my days. So, learning to breathe and take what needs to be taken at face value, and not read into things can be trying.

I know my life can be so complicated at times, when in actuality it is just myself making things complicated. *sigh* Remembering to be grateful for this beautiful gift we call life. The sunshine is just over the mountain, with another turn or two, it will grace us with its presence.

Be safe. Be the sunshine. ❤

~M.

The Sun, that elusive ball of hot gases, that can never seem to reach me thru the pervading clouds.

Recently, I have been struck with the curiousty as to the percentage of sunshine that this part of the country receives…To begin with I live on the western side of Pennsylvania, somewhat near Pittsburgh, but not close enough to speak fluent Pittsburghese. Pittsburgh has roughly 45% of sunshine, which is a yearly average. It is also the 11th least sunny city in the United States, according to one statistic that I found. That is not a lot of sun, just in case you were wondering.

I like sunshine. It makes me happy. On any certain day, the sun has a chance to pass thru the clouds, to warm the cockles of my heart. I yearn for those days. Today, my sunshine comes from the many blessings I see around myself, my family, and the amount of good that people are doing. To help those who need it the most, the coming together in these uncertain times.

Be safe. Be the sunshine. ❤

~M.